Colin,
This isn't so much a letter to you as it is just what I would say if you were an adult right now. Or maybe what I want you to know someday when you're wondering how your heart can be so full of love for YOUR son. I won't be eloquent...it's late, and I'm all foggy in that good way you get when your right on the edge of crying with a huge smile on your face. But here goes.
We just got home from your 1st grade winter concert at school. I need you to know that I am so proud of you, buddy. For me, Colin, the things you do are never just that thing at that moment. Like tonight---all of the parents were there for a cheesy concert with their 6 year olds. I was there to see you be normal. I didn't see you file onto those risers, do the motions (almost correctly!) to the songs, and sing your heart out. I didn't.
What I saw were snapshots of the moments we've shared together on your journey. I don't see you standing on risers-- I see you wearing your special shoes and struggling to get across our living room floor with your physical therapist. I don't hear you singing-- I hear you practicing your articulation and inflection with your speech therapist. I don't see your sweet new haircut, I see myself stroking your head as you wake from an MRI. I don't see you goofing off with your neighbor...honey, I see you being an adorable 6 year old with friends. Friends who "get" you, or at least they SO do for right now!
You are earnest, you are kind, you love music, you overflow with joy. Tonight, you GLOWED. You bounce when you are forced to stand still, and tonight it was like you were going to lift off from the sheer heaven of it all. Daddy was there, your Grandad was there, Shell & the boys were there...people who just love you so much. Tomorrow night you head over to Luke's for your first big "non-family" sleepover. Then...on Saturday, you're headed off to college. Oh--that's right--that's just how it feels in Mama's heart.
You have much to teach me, Colin, and I need you to know that tonight was so much sweeter for having learned so much from you already.
Mama loves you. Sleep well, baby.
Oh--for the record--YES, the kid next to you WAS wearing a fake mustache most of the night. And they say YOU'RE "special"?
1 comment:
Each and every time I read this, I have a huge smile on my face and tears rolling down my cheeks (just like your beloved Mama)...for so many reasons. First, because I celebrate you, Colin, and all you have given to us, your family; your tenacity, courage, gentleness, passion, goodness, and lovingkindness. (Not to mention a thrown bowl of pasta and sauce in Nana's dining room one Thanksgiving visit, but that is another story:-)) Through your special gifts and challenges, you have entreated us to be worthy recipients of your many precious offerings and teachings. Through your life, the the Holy Spirit has summoned, and compels, us to be as "childlike" as you in approaching the throne of our Heavenly Father. God Bless you, Colin Christopher Harry Farris, as you have blessed us.
Love,
Nana
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